i watched the princess and the frog today...when the movie began i felt that something was off..until i realized that disney created the movie in 2-D....woah. after years of 3-D viewing spoilage it took a good hour for me to get use to such a change... how sad.
but the movie is INCREDIBLE. and so beautiful. the underlying themes should have been placed in disney movies long ago...refreshing and a damn good message to our kiddos around the world. if i was an artist i would dedicate my life to disney movies. ..if pixar offered i would also work with them. but my artistic skills are equivalent to the skills of my kindergarten kids. seriously.

i want to listen to more bluegrass music.

3 more days..and kindergarten performs ..the nutcracker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dear lord, help us. we practiced twice last week.

today i really thought about my future. it is terrifying. not my future i hope but the thought of having to choose a career...a career which you will be defined by..in the world of indian people the need to be "successful" is excruciatingly important. during thanksgiving my dad was talking about success and he commented on one of our family friends son, "You know out of all the kids (referring to us and the other kids in our community) Ankur did the best. He is 26, makes more thank 100 K a year and travels every month to do business."

wow. thanks dad. i know his purpose in saying this is not to belittle me or the kids of the community...he just has a singular definition of success ..and that kind of sucks.

the more i think about it the more i realize how much i love my kids. oh i LOVE THEM. i'm getting to the point where teaching is becoming enjoyable...it only took half a year...i hope as time passes i will be able to say, " yay early childhood is my career for life!!" ..i am not quite there yet...it would be wonderful to pursue this path. The kids at this age emit such love,their imaginations are out of this world, their perspectives on the world differ so beautifully than adults, and their need for love is immeasurable. Also, magic exists in their life. oh man its great =) the only thing that inhibits me from really delving into this path is...my need for lots of intellectual stimulation..this is not to say that early child hood education teachers don't need this...but i know after a few years of teaching it will get much easier and the challenge will not remain as in the first year or two...

i know my passion lies in helping at risk youth. i would absolute love to get a counseling degree! the mind and fixing the mind is fascinating to me. but simultaneously if i was to counsel everyday it would drain my energy and being..this is something i would like to do part time..full time would consume me. i wish i wasn't so damn sensitive. i have not learned how to seperate my emotions from my mind. they are one entity. and this is where the problem lies...i want to get a degree in counseling but i don't want to do it everyday and every hour. i want half of my life's time to be with children and the other half with at risk youth.

how do i combine this?

the bet

me and my principal have a bet (well not officially...he doesn't know it is a bet but when we discussed the matter i decided secretly that its a bet) which consist of the following parts: a full moon and the students at Twin Lakes Elementary School. During the last full moon...in which my prior blog so elegantly describes was: facking brutal. I discussed the brutal day with my principal and he told me that the full moon effected and may have augmented the negative behavior of my kids...hmmmm he looked up full moon on wikipedia and we continued our discussion...i adamantly opposed and he did not oppose....i was and still am a bit apprehensive but i have decided i will prove him wrong..tomorrow is the next full moon....! i will measure the behavior of my children ..and i better win this secret bet that i actually only have going with myself. . . but if i do win i will tell my principal about the bet and my victory. yes, i will.

i'm so sleepy right now. why am i awake at 12:16 am? ah,. ah. ah., i had a reallly amazing/crazy/heartbreaking/iloveher talk with a best friend. i needed a good laugh especially after coming back from georgia after the break. yesterday was super depressing...its that loneliness i felt in aug/sept...ah go away away away! perhaps..if i don't come home for x-mas..? no way. i am coming home for christmas. i got this. i can do this. i know i can. i know i can. i know i can...
mind over matter? how does mind overcome 17 degrees outside? yoda knows. i want to watch star wars. all of them..

i still have to shower! ok too sleepy for 10 so here are 7


1. Orlan Dale had ring worm on his back the week before thanksgiving break... i discovered on his back a huge motherfackin worm..apparently it had been there for a while..i sent him to the nurse who sent him home.....it is now the week after thanksgiving break,

" I have ring worm on my head ms.singh... do i need to go to the doctor again?"

oh my ____.


2. kyren johnson, "my tooth hurts"

why does it hurt kyren?

"cause everyones so loud !"

so it hurts when people are loud?

"yes."

3. talk with nida khan.
4. sara khan
5. ashley is going to uga. she could go to university of new mexico in gallup instead, i am sure they have some sports program here..kinda... i am not sure why she won't consider this. if she loved me...... ;)
6. i found no christmas tree at wal mart for my classroom. i came back home and my roomate asked me if i had looked in the gardening section. i had not. i am not sure why this is in the top ten. i spent two and half hours at wal mart (most of it was on the phone..i can't multi- task so i just stayed in wal mart..in the fishing aisle..while on the phone...less distraction their)

7. oh my. this is another one for wal mart. i got snowflakes pajamamamamamamas!

today is better. its true-when you find yourself in an abyss you can only go up ..right? (unless you have no rope or upper body strength to climb up. .which would suck.....or until the next full moon....?)

cyrell benally (the boy who draws princesses for me everyday) got a flower painted on his face at our school's fall festival. i am in love.

me and orlan dale walked to the bathroom. he went into the boys and i to the girls. when leaving the bathroom i found no orlan dale.....and THEN... i heard a "BOO!' ..a "boo" which was hiding in the girl's stall for me. a boo that never made it to the boys restroom. a boo whose name is orlan dale.

5 year olds do make the world magical.

ben emailed me yesterday to tell me about a student who decided to create a catapult during his test.... and this is why we teach for america.
ahahahha

19 kids.
no aid today.
full moon.

terrible, no good, very bad day. i wanna go home.

i don't know what to do about my aid. the way she treats the children is not ok. but each day that i want to talk to her she tells me how she has hemmoroids or how her daughter is being abused. how the crap do i talk to her? she told me yesterday that in the afternoons she still gets depressed sometimes (her husband left her years ago) because their is no one to talk to. how do i tell such a person she needs professional development? did i add that she is about 55? shes about 55. did i add thats shes been in the school business for like 16 years? shes been in the school for 16 years. i really have to talk to her. its going to eat me up..it already has begun. but i'm too freakin stupid nice. too nice is not always nice. ? i don't know


thoughts? anyone?

my ten:

1. glitter is all over Orlan's hand, "look, its like micheal jackson's glove, you know he used to wear it!" he proceeds to do a micheal jackson move

2. Me: "Does anyone have anything nice to say about someone else?"
cyrell benally, "kyren hit me in the back today, then he said sorry"

3. shauntai clyde, " i love you ms.singh"

4. the purple flower ring shauntai gave me..the best ring ever

5. me: "if you had to pick one which one would you be for halloween, a bat or queen?"
cyrell benally, " QUEEN!!"

6. kyren runs up to me with a poster covering his face, all i see is kyren body and laughter

7. kaden waiting for me to get my stuff for lunch

8. acting out goldilocks in an accent that was a mix of indian/arabian/aladdin dude that narrated aladdin's story (who knows who i'm talking about?.... =) accent

9. madison winning first prize for her art out of kindergarten...yes!.. (there are only two kindergarten classes..but still)

10. orlan's strange but incredibly awesome penguin hat

11. bonus

Neala is having a conversation with another student concerning orlan's penguin hat, "You just hurt mr.penguin, DON'T hold him like that!"

the grass is greener on the other side..?

i feel like this part of my day is deserving of its own post.


SHEEP ATTACKED OUR SCHOOL GROUNDS TODAY

WHAT THE FUCK

. ok. so i look out of my window during lunch and see a herd of sheep about 25 ft from my window. a second later i see my VICE PRINCIPAL running after them. a herd of sheep traveled from their pasture to our school. our school is fenced in everywhere except for one opening. THEY FOUND THAT OPENING. WTF. the opening is guarded with cattle guard ( the metal bars on the ground that should make it impossible for wild life to enter the school) BUT THE SHEEP FOUND THIS OPENING IN THE FENCE, WERE VICTORIOUS IN PASSING THE CATTLE GUARD METAL BARS, AND MADE IT TO OUR GRASS.
wow. this is how you know your on a navajo reservation. when your vice principal has to herd a flock of 20 sheep back to their pasture in the middle of the school day.

sheep are a high priced commodity in these parts. i should have taken a few.

humans..really?

i found out today that one of my most precious kids was abused. the most happiest, well behaved and cutest long eyelashed child has been abused. for real? those were the only words that dashed through my mind when our counselor walked into the door and told me an anonymous caller informed her that my kid had been caught in a fight between his parents and was hit severely. no way, are you for real? again, these words repeated. NO F-IN WAY. my counselor asked me to ask this child why he had missed school....and so i did....i dropped off my class to recess and told john (for purposes of online confidential shiat i have to change his name) to stay inside. when i got back i asked him if he had been sick..."no miss singh.." then i asked the question that i didn't want to know the answer too, "are you ok, are you hurt anywhere?" he pointed to his leg. HE POINTED TO HIS LEG. WTF. did you get hit? "my dad" MY DAD ...MY DAD ARE YOU SERIOUS WHAT DID YOUR DAD AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! at that point my counselor arrived and we took him to the nurses office to look at his leg, we had a male administrator with us so that he could look at his injury...i waited by the bathroom as we waited to find out what was wrong with his leg...finally the door opened and all i could see was a GIANT BELT MARK ACROSS HIS LEG. A GIANT BELT MARK THAT WAS SURROUNDED BY A DARK BRUISE AND NOT ONLY DID THE AWFUL BRUISE EXIST ON HIS LEG IT ALSO LIVED ON HIS BACK , ARMS, AND FACE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


it sucks. it sucks for john, it sucks for john's four year old little brother, it sucks for john's mom who i believe is a bystander in this situation. it sucks that his mom came and talked to me to tell me that she DIDN'T KNOW THAT DISCIPLINE LAWS WERE STRICT..WTF DISCIPLINE LAWS?? when a child has an indentation in his leg of what he was hit with there's a problem. you don't need a law, damn it. you don't. i believe the father has a large part in this incident...when i have seen him at school i shiver a little bit. a lot bit.

the kids are with social services right now. i don't want them in that house. i want them with their mom ....
.but that house comes with mom and dad.
that sucks. that really sucks.

how can a person emotionally and physically abuse their own child? the child they brought to life, why would you take life away from them? how do you make someone understand this?

i don't want to end a post like this...as i like to do i wanna list the ten things that made this a good day

1. Orlan Dale, "Michael jackson died because of too much plastic"
2. Me, "are you a hot dog?"
Cyrell Benally, "if you call me hot dog i will be hot dog boy for halloween.....no i will be a hyena dog and i am going to chase you and eat you." pointing to the girl sitting next to him
3. Cyrell, (while reading his made up story to the class as Kandice falls asleep) "Kandice wake up and go wash your face!!" Kandice wakes up and without a word goes to wash her face.
4. Landon Shirley, terribly upset, "Look at my FINGER MS SINGH" ..i look .."I NEED A BANDAGE"...there is no blood, no cut, just where he bit off too much of his fingernail
5. Orlan, "I will bring my micheal jackson tape."
6. my mom telling me a hilarious story concerning a uncle, and uncle's rude comment
7. two space heaters
8. during pick up: kyren is waiting for him mom... not by sitting still but by hiding in different parts of the main office and then when she comes he runs away to get his jacket left in the room (i will define kyrens run as the following: a strange tribal dance with flailing arms )
9. alison talk
10. the uniqueness of the other kindergarten teacher...she reminds me of a female Micheal Scott...she has had a bad fever and told me today that as she was saying bye to the athletic coordinator (at our school) on the phone she told him, "love you,bye ".....her husband then called the athletic coordinator back and told him , "my wife is delusional right now..shes sick ."
she tells this story in front of our parents tonight during parent/teacher meeting

i can't believe, even after i started this i have yet to hold myself accountable to write and reflect..no more i will begin...

teaching is hard. real hard. for real real hard. i have this newfound awe/respect for teachers. teachers are moms/dads/doctors/mentors/and friends to all their kids. they not only have to worry about their kids meeting benchmark on standardized tests they must keep the administration happy along with all parents. parents, oh do i have stories about parents..i will dedicate a later post for parents but this will not be the one for parents..
teaching is hard. did i say that? yes. i want to re- emphasize that for myself. that its ok to feel like i am exponentially becoming more terrible as a teacher. its ok. it has only been a month and a half - i can't be the really cool teacher with the all the awesome math games, stories, art projects, or letter activities...i am going to stop on letter activities and say that we did a cool letter activity with the letter R yesterday! the kids drew the letter R along with three things that started with the sound that R makes (robot, radio, i am not sure why i am listing the examples they drew). then they cut them out and taped their drawings to their tables..pictures of R are everrrrrywherrre... it is super cute=)

BUT I WANT TO BE an awesome teacher. i do. but it takes time..and that sucks.
as does becoming skilled in any profession...

i feel like i am toooo concerned with my kids grades/data because of teach for america. they insisit that we have data data data ON EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. i understand the importance of tracking students..but i feel like, no actually i know this is my focus in the classroom...and i want my focus to be on what can they do happily while learning? not- they have to know this and we gotta do it like this now now now. ahh! its super frustrating- these kids shouldn't have numbers attached to them at such an early age...they shouldn't. someone told me it should be more like, "meetings" with the children on what they should practice and not, " you made a 25 on the patterns test..that is low...you really need to work on it." i don't like the number attached to kids approach- i DON'T. i want to be able to go into my classroom and if i feel like it just tell them to create their own stories all day. creativity is being taken out of kindergarten and i want it back. i wish i had a way to do it..i try my best..but i know its also because this is my first time teaching..it is harder to become creative with cirriculum..but ah!

these kids should be pretending like they are giant dinosaurs that are destroying puny insect life down below ..that is what kindergarten would be if i made it.

i miss home terribly. i miss all my friends terribly. if you read this i miss you. you are my friend. i love you. (i also tell my kids to tell eachother at the end of the day to grab a partner and tell him/her that they care for them and that they will always be friends and help them out..its so sweet to see..but do they follow what i tell them to say? nope. their attention and memory span is 3 minutes. that never helps)

to make my self feel better everyday (and mitigate the effects of homesickness disease) i try to think of 10 good things that happened to me everyday...so here are my 10 for today:

1. Orlan Dale, age 5, "Micheal Jackson was not a girl, he was a boy. he died in california."
2. Cyrell Benally, age 5, "Look Ms. Singh I can dance!!" (in the middle of the lunchroom with no prompt given to dance)
3.Landon Shirley,age 5 dives under a table that is not his in the middle of the math lesson...i ask, "What are you doing??!" he responds, "i wanted to pick up this crayon."
4. Landon Shirley, "I am PURRTICTATING" (participate was the word he was aiming for)
5. Ice cream all over Javin's face after the ice cream party. he had no idea of the smear and i never told him
6. Cyrell's hugs
7. Drake Smith as he walks into class in the morning, " We missed you Ms. Singh!"
8. JC's hugs
9. Sara Khan's voicemails
10. Kaden Bitsies tuxedo and gelled hair. for class picture day. too bad it was cancelled

i never thought i would have a blog. now that i have 21 kindergartners and i live in the desert- the time has arrived.